The ordeal

* After reading this blog entry, you might think that I am a spoilt brat who does not appreciate. But I really only need to vent it all out at once....so bear with me.

"Sit the month" literally means to be confined for a month (30 days), and it's some kind of serious ordeal. Of course, if you are truly old old fashion, you'd probably do it up to 40 days. I can't do that.

I can't tell you how many pork livers and kidneys that I have eaten for the last two weeks because I already lost track of it. Yes, I have only finished two weeks of confinement and there are two more weeks to go. (I think) The liver and kidney diet came to an end and starting this week, it's all chicken soup in sesame oil and ginger.

The above ingredients are the must-have every day. The meals do consist of basic veggies (green, root and whatever), rice and/or noodles (fine skinny noodles with, you guessed it, in sesame oil and ginger), eggs, some kind of soy stuff, fish (in soup), spare ribs (in soup), pork shank/feet (in soup). There are also two snacks/dessert a day with different kinds of sweet soup: white wood ears with lotus seed, peanut and yam soup, taro and yam soup, red bean and barley soup, corn meal with dry plum, black sesame sweet soup to name a few. Of course, menus change daily, not the basic the ingredients of ginger, sesame oil, ginseng, goji berry, and some other herbal stuff I couldn't name coz I don't know what they are. To be brutally honest I am so very sick of eating them. They don't taste bad, I just have had too much.

TB is a sport. He eats with me because the portion is pretty big. My mom said it's big because "back in the days" the husbands have to be fed too. "They can't cook in the kitchen you know", said my mom. Why? Because they are male? What a bullshit. There are a lot of things my mom said.

A lot of the food is to help post-partum recovery and to help gain the energy back. With c-section, there will be another set of special food you eat, but I am lucky I don't have to eat those things to "heal the wound". My issue at first was the milk production, so my mom made me eat Young Papaya Spare Rib soup and Peanut and pork shank/feet soup (the ones with a thick layer of pork skin on them. I actually like it.). I am not sure if they really worked or it was about time for my milk to come in. After 2-3 days eating them, my milk came in, a lot of it.

There are also things to eat to get rid of the extra blood in the uterus, mom called it the "the dirty dew", and to drink a kind of black bitter herbal soup called "shen hua tung", which is an herbal anti-inflammatory; there are things to eat to prevent hair loss, called "he sho wu" that's cooked in soup.

I don't want to jinx myself and I don't want to doubt that those things/methods don't work. So far, my blood loss has been going with a good pace and no cramps at all and I don't notice any hair loss.

Granted, I still take my prenatal vitamin and D and DHA. So hopefully they are working in my system too. Wham Bam - I bet they didn't have these kinds of vitamins back in the days!

A great thing about the confinement meals, and the only thing, is that I have lost a lot of excess water and shed a lot of weight to fit into my old clothes, including jeans and those extra small jeggins, though not quite back to before the pregnancy state, it's a matter of a stricter diet and workout which will start after the first month. Simple reason for the weight loss - all the foods are not flavored, meaning no salt and very minimal oil, other than the sesame oils for its healing and nutritious purpose. The food has enough calories to make up for breastfeeding.

We will see what the coming two weeks have in store for me, food wise.

I did, however, ask TB to cook steak for me for dinner tonight since I feel that I need extra more protein and energy that I have now - you know, the lack of sleep and constantly being paranoid about what happens to blueberry. How funny I ask to eat beef and I didn't even touch beef before I met TB...And I bet they didn't have steak dinners once a while back in the days.

Mom said, back in the days....

I know I am a very lucky person to have mom here help me for the first mom. I flew her here mainly because I didn't want her to miss the opportunity of bonding with my son and I know she'd appreciate it. However, because me and mom have such a close relationship, we also butt-head a lot, like a lot. She does things for me and the baby and I know she means well. But sometimes, her methods drive me crazy. The whole traditional confinement is her idea (well maybe I did want it too) and she insists that I follow the old school practice, or "Don't let me say I told you so when you have all sorts of physical problems when older", she threatened me.

She knows that it's hard to convince me to do things, I am the most rebellious daughter she ever had, well, and I am the only daughter she has, so she'd always start her sentence with "back in the days" to show the credibility of anything she says so that I'd listen. There are things I do and can't do based on what she says. Let me make a list:

No leaving the apartment

She said that because after giving birth, all the pores on my body are wide open. Therefore I can't go out because "the air is cold". I can't let cold air coming into my body since it will cause issues with bones and muscles pain, as well as headache. However, doctor's appointments are exceptions because she didn't know how to respond to this since "women back in the days didn't have doc's appointments"...

Lying down flat and not move as much as possible, if not 24/7

She said I should be lying down 24/7. But the fact that I have to breastfeed, this is impossible. So she lets me breastfeed. Oh yes, she would have advise against it. She reminds me to "go lie down" whenever she sees me walking around. Her argument is that my organs have been rearranged before and after delivery so lying flat on the bed will help them go back to their original place. Well, I use belly bandit for that same reason.

No watching TV/computer; no reading for that matter

She said that my eyes are also the weakest after delivery. Any activity that requires using my eyes is prohibited. But back in the days, who had TV/computer?

No shower and no washing hair for the first month

She said no shower and no washing hair for the same reason that the pores on my body are open so any cold air that goes in will affect my internal organs, bones and muscles. Well, back in the days they didn't have central air/heat, hot water or blowdryers, duh!!

No lifting, including holding the baby

She said lifting is not allowed, not even holding the baby because a post-partum body just could not take that kind of extra weight on. But, but, really?

No touching or drinking cold water

She originally said drinking (tap) water is not even allowed, I have to drink hot soup and boiled water. So not drinking and touching (washing hands) in cold water also because of all the pores on body are open. She didn't even let me wash dishes. Hey, I'll take that.

No drinking tap water. All drinking water has to be boiled first

She was going to buy cases of rice wine to distill them into water for me to drink. I was like, huh?! What the heck is that? She said that's the only water I could drink. She was in disbelief when we drink water out of the tap. Luckily I have a water boiler. She finally said OK to drink water from the water boiler. Alcohol distilled water?

 List can go on but these are some of the ridiculous ones.

She would make certain things for me to eat and tell me, "you have to eat it" without explaining to me why. And sometimes when I looked up, there are doctors (yes, Chinese ones) who would advise against it for some legit and/or scientific reasons. When I told her that, she would get offended and said "I used to eat these and I am fine. And you just have to eat it because every woman eats it." She is so wrong about every woman but then again, if you understand Chinese language, you'd understand the way she says it is only to express how common the practice is, I get that. But, they are wrong too. Since I don't live in "back in the days", I refuse to follow the rules to the core and 100%. She got pissed. In the end we had to negotiate a lot of terms and conditions.

Whenever I ask for a reason why she asks me to do certain things, she'd say "I don't know the reason or theory but it's part of the ancient Chinese wisdom that has been passed down." How convincing is that! She would also add "it's not just for your own good, it's for your baby too." Well, if she goes there, what else can I say.

By the way, there are things I can't do to baby either: baby can't go out in public, well, duh; baby can't have visitors other than close family members before one month is up; baby can't play with mirrors (it was a toy thing that came with the play mat); and we can't say good things about the baby in front of the baby....

Well, well, this is the kind of confinement I am doing. I hate it, as much and more than I hate being pregnant. However, I do know she means well and she only wants what's the best for me.

Sigh, mom is the unbearable lightness in my life. She lives in a world that's so different from mine and I just can't change her mind about a lot things. She gets frustrated not being able to make me see what she sees and I share that frustration too. In the end, I still love her and respect her.

Because of her constant reminders, I actually get to sleep a lot during the day while she helps taking care of blueberry. Blueberry loves it when grandma holds him. The rest is definitely much needed to get me through all the long night parties.

I can't wait when blueberry is one month old.


DearJulie

Unfit mother

I am an unfit mother "oh shock face"!

I slept through blueberry's cries a couple times at night and didn't even know how long he has been crying until I finally woke up to check him. That might also be the reason why I thought he sleeps longer than he actually does. So he sometimes starves at night because of me.

I went to get a pedicure/manicure and came home to a wailing baby. He was starving because the walking milk factory went missing. He starves because of me.

Seriously! What kind of mother am I who even dares not to hover around her baby 24/7 just to make sure he is being carefully taken care of?!

My own mother seems to think that I am unfit to be a mom. She scolded me for that and I was so pissed, well at myself, of course. I felt so bad and so guilty.

Oh yes, it's like I committed some kind of crime.

TB made me feel better by saying that blueberry is a boy and needs to be toughened up a bit. Maybe? But he is after all a newborn. A good mother should really be around each step of the way to watch him and to accompany him.

Sigh....


DearJulie

Road to recovery

Have you seen elephant feet before? Let me show you:

Heck yeah! That's what my feet looked like after I gave birth. I got none of these edema crap throughout pregnancy but at the very last day, it found me. The nurse said that because I was on IV and all the liquid went down to the limps. My wrists and fingers were puffy too. Sorry about this image but I had to take a photo of it - I have never seen my body do this trick before. Now I know what my potential is.

Well, I don't know if the confinement meals (月子餐) did any trick or the red bean+barley soup, This is what my feet looked like day 5 after delivery:


See! It's all better, almost normal. I elevated my legs almost every day for at least 1 hr. And then elevated more when I go to sleep. Whatever works, I'd try it. And yes, I can finally see my ankles again!

Body discomfort is catching up on me especially the part that got stitched up. Did I mention that I teared 1 degree and doctor had to stitched me up? Oh yeah. My vajaijai is not going to be the same anymore. But again, I now know I can handle a 8 lbs baby.

I am on Tylenol everyday to ease the pain but it burns a lot every time I pee. My bowel movement has been.....hm, moving, but it takes a lot of effort to feel comfortable. I walk funny. So I guess it's good that I am being confined that I can't go anywhere.

I strapped on the belly bandit from day one, 24/7 except for when I shower and eat/digest. Result is good. My belly button went back in; the excess skin/fat from carrying the baby is noticeable but only about 2.5 inches pinch away from flat; I actually saw my 2 packs (out of 6, which was the norm before pregnant). I won't be able to go back to the gym for another 5 weeks or so. But I have been just doing crunches and stretches at home, well I meant, I have to do more. We'll see what that will do to my body, though, I do miss high intensity cardio and weight lifting a lot.

I weighted in 165lbs prior to giving birth, I am at 138lbs this morning (day 8). I am not sure if it's a good progress but at least it's a good start for me to work on. This thing takes patience and effort. I am determined to not even go back to the shape I was before, but better and toner.

The road to recovery is going to be a long one, at least I am giving myself some time to heal the body trauma before I can really focus on getting back in shape. I have a plan and I think it will work.


DearJulie

Blueberry's Birthday Part II

*This blog entry is for my own purpose to preserve all the great memory when my blueberry was born. As always, I have some thoughts and opinions about certain things and here's the part where I praise or bitch about some things and people.

TB

My husband, the love of my life before my son arrived, is still the love of my life. He has been extremely supportive, helpful, loving, caring and wonderfully involved in the process throughout pregnancy and until the day blueberry was born. I am not bragging but I really do not think any of any woman in the world has a better husband than mine. The only way you will know is to make him your husband, but sorry, I am not sorry, he is mine.

I do not think I could ever do this without him. He was so nervous on the arrival that he forgot to pack a couple things in the due date bag - this would have never happened in our household. He just dose not forget things. And then the lack of sleep totally caught up as it got close to the delivery time. However, he was holding himself up for me and the baby.

He asked me last night if I saw him cut the umbilical cord. I was so surprised and happy. Surprised because he didn't want to cut the cord before; happy because I love the idea he did. That's the kind of experience I wanted him to take home with forever and ever. That's the privilege of a proud dad.

I am not sure if he cried but I am sure he was just as emotional as I was, and this time, he showed so much of it. He told me how he was so worried that things could go wrong during L&D to me and/or the baby and he couldn't imagine if that ever happened. But then he said "this is also the reason why I chose this hospital because they are the best."

Our family is big now - there are three of us. Hey TB, we might need to consider moving to a bigger apartment soon! :)

Hospital

I like my hospital because I love love and love the nursing staff and doctors. My first hand experience with them has been wonderful and I could not praise them more. They take so great care of moms and babies and even though I didn't get to get a private room (because it is first come first serve basis and remember, there was a "baby rush" the day I delivered?), I didn't feel the experience is being discounted. One night of private room is $750. I spent 2 nights there, that'd be a nice handbag. So yeah, I choose a handbag any day over my own comfort.

If you know where I deliver and if you are going to deliver there soon, please note that the Chanel bag is in back-ordered since Christmas. You need to call them back for one. They check names to see who gets it or not so you should still be able to get one. I need to call them soon too.

Miles was in the CCN (Continuous Care Nursery) for both nights because of the anti-biotic. I thought I missed the opportunity rooming in with the baby but it turned out to be a wonderful thing. I got to catch up on my sleep and I only needed to go into the nursery whenever they call me in for feedings. The nurses were all very good at coaching me how to breastfeed and Miles and I got to learn the tricks together which was a lot of fun, even though I got really frustrated not being able to produce any milk while in the hospital. I think I cried twice because I thought I was starving my son. I think Miles liked staying there, he was in an incubator and he loved that it was so warm and cozy.

I will give this hospital a 4.5 stars. The half star off was for the Chanel bag I have not got.

Epidural

I thought about going natural without intervention in the beginning. I changed my mind soon after that. I never got my ears pierced for the same reason - my pain tolerance is not high, actually, low. The school of thought about how going natural without an intervention will compromise the bonding between the mom and the baby is a total bullshit. The fact is that epidural is safe for the baby and that's all I need to know to make a decision.

Like I said, I am a selfish person. Why would I want to go through hell just to have a baby? OK FINE! I will go through hell for Miles for sure, but that's only after I met him.

I appreciated some friends' advice against epidural and tried convincing me to watch videos and read books about it so that I will not go with an epidural. No offense but I respect your decision and I do not need a lecture on how much pain I should endure or not. If there would be no pain giving birth, that's the route I'd take. End of discussion.

And because of epidural, Miles might really get a chance to have siblings.

Again, I 100% respect (though don't understand) but don't even really applaud anyone's decision not having an epidural. If you did it, great. I wouldn't think it's the most courageous act in the world, I only think it's silly. And if you are still very gun-ho about not having an epidural, I'd be interested to see if you really pull through. Best luck and hope you do pull through. Better not jinx.

By the way, the only video I watched was the birthing video played at the class and it prepared me very well already and I decided then I do not need to watch anymore videos.

Lamaze and all the techniques to relief pain

The childbirth class we took during pregnancy was a 6-hr class that covers everything. That said, it did cover Lamaze but probably for about 30-45 minutes. The rest is all about practice at home. So we did practice a lot, sometimes as a joke because the breathing technique just feels funny to me. For a while, TB and I did "he-he-hu" for fun whenever we were bored.

Let me tell me, Lamaze did shit for me. It didn't work for me at all.

I did using breathing technique to get me through contractions but not Lamaze. It's my own breathing technique that worked for me. I ditched Lamaze and did whatever felt the most natural when it came to breathing and it was the best way to do it for myself because I know my body and my own rhytm the best. Just like how I breathe through a heavy lower body training and cardio exercise, I coached myself breathing through contractions.

And then there is massage. All the books will say bring a massage ball and massage oil. Let the partner massage you to get you through pain and all while having contractions or in between contractions to relief the tension.

What happened to me was, when contractions hit or in between contractions, I just wanted to be left alone. I did not want my body to be touch in any ways. TB didn't even need to massage me which he didn't mind at all.

I did take several hot shower before hospital and in between hospital runs. Hot shower was the only thing that did the trick to relax myself and relieve pain.

My suggestion is that, do whatever makes you the most comfortable. The books are not always correct to predict your situations.

Birthday

We originally thought Miles would arrive on 1/4. TB and I were not very keen on that idea and secretly hoping that he wouldn't be born on the 4th because there was a "4" in it. Don't get me wrong, I am sure 1/4 is a good day if it's your birthday, but we are Chinese, we are superstitious. And based on this year's Farmer's Calender - the Chinese calendar that gives your prediction of the fortune or things to do and not do every day, 1/4 was not all that great. What can you do? In the end we just said to ourselves that baby will pick his own birthday and we are OK with it.

Not only did he not pick 1/4, he came out before 4 o'clock in the morning (3:58). TB was very proud of our little man for picking a great day and time for his birthday.




DearJulie

Blueberry's Birthday Part I

*I feel the need to write this blog entry for my own purpose - I want to forever remember this day. It's only my personal experience and opinion.

It has been a crazy nine months of pregnancy. Well, "crazy", I guess in a good way. I hated being pregnant and I don't think I will ever change my mind about it. However, when I finally reached the finish line and lay eyes on my little blueberry, my heart melt. Tears filled my eyes and I couldn't believe a little person really came out of me.

They said it is the most amazing experience in life. I agree.

As you all know that I call my kid "blueberry" throughout the nine months, but you might not know why blueberry. TB thinks that my fobby accent sounds funny when I pronounce blueberry, and it kindda just stuck and I started calling the baby in my belly, blueberry. Next time you see me, ask me to say "blueberry" and you'd know.

As I use this blog to document the experience, I definitely will not skip the very last part. So here.

Late arrival

Blueberry was late. I was very much annoyed as well as worried. I was too big to carry my own body which made me even more resentful; I was worried that he is getting too big and I wouldn't be able to push him out. However, with a birth plan, I still tried telling myself I should be prepared for anything that could happen at that moment. My priority is to make sure my blueberry is healthy.

Original due date was Saturday, 12/29. I started getting all the messages and calls from friends and family who care so much about us, asking if the baby has arrived yet. Even the nail salon lady asked me about it. All the attention made me actually feel embarrassed to even be pregnant passed New Year. This kid is really a Lam boy, doing things with his own pace.

After a couple non-stress tests, I went in to my yet another doctor's appointment. My doctor was making fun of how I am still hanging around. I was about 4 cm dilated by Thursday, 1/3, checked at the doctor's office. We made a plan of getting induced on Saturday, 1/5. Doctor said "call me that morning at 8:30am. I'll let you know if it's busy or not to come in". Apparently a lot of people schedule c-sections or inductions.

I was mentally preparing myself for an induction and I started looking up Pitoxin. I didn't like that idea. It seems like the contractions come more intensely and the pain level is higher and all. Anyways. I wouldn't know.

L&D

On Thursday, 1/3, the same day of the very last doctor's appointment everything was fine until around 10pm. I started having funny feelings in the belly. It's like menstrual cramps that I used to have when I was in high school. Doctor always said that when it's a real thing I'd know. But at this point, I still wasn't sure. After discussing with TB, we decided regardless what it was, we should go to sleep to reserve the energy.

I was able to fall asleep and not wake in the middle of night so I thought, eh, it's nothing. By 4:30am, the cramps started having patterns and I felt alert. I pulled out my smartphone that has a contractions tracker app that I downloaded previously and started timing. By the way, this is a great app for any pregnant ladies who will need one.

We got up, showered, ate, packed up, and out the door by 6am. Hm why did it sound like we take a long time to get ready in a moment like this? I guess we did huh. TB was a little freaking out as I can see that he was running around but not being able to get things done. I told him to calm down. He said, yeah, please keep reminding me to calm down. The truth is, I was a little happy that this day finally came and I got nothing to freak out about.

We got to the hospital in 3 minutes - the advantage of living so close to my hospital and I guess that's another reason why we were ok to take out time. Contractions have been hitting with great patterns. Once we got to the L&D floor, it was pretty busy because we had to wait to get checked in. They wanted us to wait at the waiting lounge but I wasn't able to walk back there, so I was just panting (kindda) at the reception desk. 

The couple before us frigging took forever to answer all the questions from the nurse. They even had some serious discussion. I purposely asked aloud "what the heck is taking so long?" It sounded like they scheduled an induction and that lady was not fucking in pain at all. Anyways. We finally got admitted and went into the triage for checkup and monitoring. Contractions were still manageable especially now I was lying down.

They finally checked me and suggested that I should take a walk to fasten the labor since I was only still 4cm dilated. The PA suggested that we walk around in the hospital to help the labor process but knowing that we live close by, she suggested that we go home. I think they just didn't want us to occupy the delivery room, which I understand.

I did walk. I walked to the ultra sound department to cancel my non-stress test appointment since, I really didn't need it anymore, and I needed to walk. There was a preggo lady walking pass me and went to the elevator. She fucking saw me but when I finally got to the elevator in the state of contractions, she shut the door. So I yelled "THANKS FOR NOT WAITING". Granted I knew I'd see her fucking ugly Indian fart face in the ultra sound. She looked terrified when she saw me. She probably thought I would go over to punch her face, which I thought about doing.

We went home after that and went to sleep - we were already sleep deprived and we just wanted to save upenergy for whatever is coming our way. It took me a while to fall asleep because the contractions are hitting more intensely now. When we woke up again, it was about 1pm.  I tried walking up and down the stairs and back and forth in the living room several times and had to sit down. We decided to have something light to eat and head back to the hospital.

Once we got to the hospital, it was so obvious that I am a woman in labor, people stopped to ask if I was ok and offered to get a wheel chair. Well, I was able to walk so I walked, but I needed to stop and grabbed on to TB's hands when contractions hit.

We got to the L&D floor just in time for the "baby rush".  A line at check-in and a line to wait for the triage. They asked me to wait at the visitors lounge. Seriously? Like, in the lobby? Well, I guess everything at this point is worth the wait especially my son was already 6 days late.

I tried walking back and forth more; I asked TB to get food for himself; and I waited more. At this point, the contractions were somewhat bearable but I had to pant through them each time. But still, not to the point I'd need to moan or even scream. One hour and 45 minutes later, we finally got the triage room. The first question asked was if I wanted epidural. Before the PA even finished the question, I said yes, hit me up with however much epidural you could. Apparently, if you said no at this point, they would send you home again. Dude, I am in serious labor and I ain't leaving the hospital until I get this baby out of me.

From the moment I asked for epidural and they said we will do it right away. They hooked me on IV right away alright. But, I didn't get to the delivery room and epidural until two more hrs later. During this time, the contractions started becoming no joke. I was so looking forward to epidural. When I actually got the epidural, it was another hr later. The process was kindda intense because I was so worried that the administration of epidural would fail and that my body anatomy works differently that epidural wouldn't work for me as I have heard of some horror stories before. However everything went well. Epidural started kicking in about 5 minutes I got it and I didn't feel the pain of contractions but only the pressure from inside of my belly. Praise the lord.

Not sure if I was too drugged up but I did remember saying to TB that epidural is so amazing that I can easily have more babies. Oh my! That did not sound like me but I know I said it.

After epidural, I fell asleep. Not sure how long of time passed but at this point, it's all about waiting. Doctor came in and said that it looks like we are having a baby some time close to midnight. We were excited. We even got to watch Miami Heat playing against whichever team to kill time.

Doctor broke my water at 7pm. By midnight, I was about 8-9cm dilated. Doctor said she will come back in about a couple hrs and we for sure will have a baby. This time it's for real.

It's pass midnight and it's the morning of 1/5. The staff came in again at 3:30ish am. Unlike all the baby story shows on TLC, where they always have several nurses, doctor, residence, family members, doula alike of people in the delivery room. In my delivery room, there was one nurse and one doctor, TB and I and I like it simple and quiet. How easy was it! The nurse and doctor coached me through the pushing process and it was essentially the same thing taught at the childbirth class, which I have been practicing with TB at home several time. I feel that I am very ready.

I started pushing as doctor said she already saw baby's head. When it was time to push, I really gather all my energy to push as each time contraction hit. I am glad all the years of training, workout and all paid off. It was not too hard for me. Though, the holding the breath part was not the easiest because even though I am a good swimmer, I don't hold breath for too long.

When the baby crowned, the doctor asked if I would like to feel baby's hair. I said no. Now I think about it, I kindda regreted saying no. I mean, that's a once in a life time experience by itself you know.

The pushing process literally lasted for 20 minutes (*TB corrected that he remembered I pushed for about 15 minutes or so but I didn't think it was quite realistic. He said "you only pushed 4 times remember?"). I don't have anything to compare to but doctor did make a remark of how we didn't have to do this for an hour. Is it normal to do that for an hour? I am not sure if I like that idea.

I could feel it when the head came out, and then the shoulders, body and the rest just came gushing out. The doctor pulled the baby out of me and showed it right in front of my eye. At the moment, I was so happy that I felt tears on my face - I knew I'd be this emotional. TB was all joy that he was kindda not knowing what to do. Doctor said this is when you get your camera out. He had to struggle to find it. It was so cute to look at. He followed the Pediatrician to clean the baby. I heard the loud cry and baby is health. TB took some photos and they were precisou - our very first family portraits. I'd like to share with you in a separate photo album later to come.

The only thing was that I had a minor fever during L&D so for a precautionary purpose, I was on anti-biotic and they suggested that baby should be on anti-biotic. I let the professional do the decision as long as it's for the baby.

My baby has all 10 fingers and 10 toes and he is healthy. He was born on January, 5th, 2013 at 3:58am, weighing in 8 lbs and 20 inches. We name him Miles Chien-You (乾祐) Lam. I call him Yo-Yo (祐祐) as a pet name, like Yo-Yo Ma, you know, but of course different characters in Chinese

The kind of amazingness is truly more than words to describe and yes, you have to experience for yourself to know. I was a non-believer and now, I believe. Now I think about all the moments on that very day, I still have tears in my eyes. Every detail is going to be so vivid for the rest of my life.

I am not ashamed to say that I was almost too resentful throughout the pregnancy because I am a selfish person, I care only myself and I think it's perfectly awesome. My life was awesome, my husband is awesome. I didn't see a point to change any of that. And then baby came along. I wrote down all my thoughts during the 9 months. Crazy or not, I know for sure I offended people a lot but I do not really care - you must be very insecure to even feel offended by anything I say, so it's your problem, not mine.

My L&D was only my own experience and since I can not compare it to anyone else's or anything even remotely close to it, please don't expect the same things that will happen to you. You will definitely have a different experience than mine especially when it comes to medical related procedures. And when you do, I am sure it is going to be a-ma-zing!!!


DearJulie