Nanny search is non-stop

It's very very hard times 100 to find a nanny. And, it's very very super extremely difficult times 100 to find a real good one. Interviewing nannies is getting annoying because once they walk in the door, I already know I do not like them. So I decided just to have phone interview first. Still, 9 out of 10 just didn't sound right over the phone.

Because of the search for a nanny, I got to refresh my world, particularly South America, geography. Apparently Grenada, St. Vincent, and Trinidad are the English-speaking countries as former British colonies. Oh wait a minute, I think they are still British owned. Anyways.

I wrote about the criteria that I am looking for in a nanny before. First and foremost, the person has to be Mandarin-speaking. However, because of the difficulty of even finding one, I lowered the standard a bit, thus I came across all the South American, English-speaking nannies.

Not that I discriminate, but I don't really think they even speak good English, like, worse than the fobby English I speak. I sometimes have a hard time understanding them and I don't think I want my son to speak bad English.

So, I thought, how about a Spanish-speaking nanny? It'd be cool if my son speaks Spanish. We interviewed one and absolutely loved her, and it's no doubt she was experienced and caring and patient based on her reference and just by meeting with her, we know. Of course it didn't work out because good nannies are always taken by others. She didn't feel that she wanted to travel to UES but rather, she wanted to stay in UWS.

I continue looking for Spanish-speaking as well as Mandarin-speaking nannies. Unfortunately either good ones are taken, or we encountered nanny candidates who do not have a residency or citizenship. We believe it's important because I heard stories of nanny stealing babies for their passports. SCARY!

In the beginning I was very hopeful that I will find one very soon. Once I find one, I will have more free time to work, sit on the toilet for however long I want, clean the apartment, go to the gym, and eat a decent meal. But now, things are still on hold. After interviewing so many nannies that I was not sure about, I decided that I rather take my time and find the perfect one.

On the other hand, I was looking for an occasional babysitter to help a couple hours on week days. Then again, the thought of having someone else take care of my baby is just so uncomfortable. Strange, right? I am so eager to have someone's help and I am also not sure if it's a good idea.

I can't let go. I am too attached.

Argh, I am out of my mind. One minute I can't wait to get rid of him and the next, I want everyone to back off.

It's probably the mother's nature, or instinct or defense mechanism. It's the tiger in me that wants to protect (or over-protect) the little kitten. I roar and I am fierce.

Who else can breastfeed him? Who else can change his diaper and make sure his butt is super squeaky clean? Who can console him and help to fall asleep? Who can hold him to sleep in the same position for 3 hrs? Who can play and talk with him non-stop? Who can read Chinese books to him and sing Jay Chou to him? Who can patiently reason with him when he is crying and being unbelievably fussy? Who can make him laugh like the happiest baby on the block?

Who can read all his cues knowing when he is hungry, sleepy, uncomfortable, annoyed, happy, curious, hot, cold, and bored?

The answer is obvious.

What should I do now? I am little by little building a self identify that's called Miles' Mother and regardless how I resist it, it's growing on me, creeping in without making a noise.

I just, still can't give up certain part of me.

Maybe, I should it own up to it. I should just take it all in.

Maybe my son does not need a nanny, he only needs me.

You know, I might feel much better about it if TB is willing to pay me a day rate.


DearJulie

Anyways,