This blog is very lack of updates. All I can say is: being a parent is a ton of work. Every day is a challenge and every day I learn something new. It's actually really fun to watch a little baby grow especially a breastfed one. The doctor appointments always make me nervous though. It's like getting my score cards every term to see how my progress is. In this case, it's my kid's progress; his progress determines how good of a mother I am.
At 6 months, he unfortunately did not reach the 100 percentile in weight even though he is, slowly, gaining weight. Sometimes I do wonder where did all the breast milk go: why is he not growing heavier? taller? and bigger? Well, I am more realistic about the growth charts. This is how I look at it: he is much less likely to become obese in the near future.
His weight-gain somehow did not translate into my weight-loss. I still have that 10 lbs lingering around everywhere on my body that just does not want to go away. This is very frustrating. I work out and train, but I can't really diet as I used to.
I tried though. I tried my old diet with green juice, steel-cut oats, sardines, and very very little carbs. The result was the empty boobs. Oh no, that's no good at all.
I don't want the breast milk supply to go down since I ambitiously want to breast feed for 1 year, but I also do not want to eat like a mad man, which I sometimes do. I mean, I still eat healthy but I do need the calories to keep up with the supply. There is really a fine line to make good balance. I just don't know how to make that balance.
I have about 2 weeks to get ready for a trip where I will have to be in my bathing suit and I feel depressed about it. Blah. This summer I just don't have a beach-ready body to flaunt. I wonder if when people see me in a bathing suit, they can easily recognize that I am a mom and gave birth 6 months ago?! And they will cut me some slack.
Yes, that's what has been bothering me recently. Sigh.
DearJulie
Friday, July 12, 2013
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Sleep training? What sleep training!?
*Disclaimer*
This is yet another post that I write solely to keep as a reminder for myself, in case life like this happens again. And this time, I am prepared.
I feel so compelled to write something about sleep training because a lot of baby newsletters have been reminding me to do so at 4 month. And, this facebook mommy group that I belong to has been talking/heavily discussing/debating about it. Those women and "debates", they have very strong opinions and a lot of judgments (they will deny) and they are sometimes not nice to each other. And in the end, they still say to each other "awww your baby is so cute"!
As a new mom, I thought I was pretty open-minded about taking advice from others, experienced moms, books, self-proclaimed experts, authentic experts and sometimes, strangers on the street. I have always been told, or warned, that sleep is HUGE. Babies need to sleep well so that the household is peaceful, the marriage is sound, and life can continue.
I agree. Not that I have any baby experience before this one, but TB is a pain in the ass if he does not get the sleep, and that's enough lesson for me.
How and/or how long your baby sleeps or not sleeps through the night, and how and/or how long your baby naps or not naps during the day, is really not my eff'ing business. However, books, experts, old moms, new moms and neighbors probably all have told us that sleep is so important to your baby. As a matter of fact, sleep is damn important not only to your baby, but you/me, too. So, the subject of baby and sleep/tots and sleep is always a huge, no, a giant one among parents. This, makes me very aware of how my blueberry sleeps and how to make him sleep better.
A lot of moms love bragging about how their babies "sleep through the night" and I think that's very cute. But mind you, the definition of "sleep through the night" is (only) 5 hours. So if your babies don't do 5-hr stretch, that's really OK. As you may all know, babies are all different. One thing though, is that, some of them fail to share how the babies sleep through the night, and that's a kind of skill that not just the baby needs to learn, the mom/parents, too.
I'd like to share how we "sleep train" my son. Or not sleep train.
During my pregnancy, TB and I read so many books on babies, especially on brain development and sleep - a lot of theories, some case studies, and all confusing. After not remembering how many books (actually I can make a list but that's a waste of time), we kindda know what to do in our head, but not sure if it'd work.
From the very first day coming back home, blueberry has been babied by my mom. She had her ways of soothing babies; she loved holding him until he fell asleep. We always wanted to break that habit but we rather have good night sleep of our own so we let her do what she wanted. And it seemed to be the only way to help him sleep.
The day after my mom left, blueberry seemed to know that his good life ended. Smart kid!
That night, after feeding blueberry, TB had no mercy but put him down on the crib. He said to blueberry, "you are fed and you are changed, not it's time to go to sleep. We love you. Good night." And he turned the light off, walked out of his room.
Blueberry was tossing and turning his head, yiyi-aiai for several minutes, and he fell asleep. Just like that.
Babies understand everything you say to them.
We thought it was only that night, but every night is like that. We thought it was only TB who he listened to, but he would do the same to me (ok, fine, after a couple trials). And voila! He is sleep-trained.
We always have a "going to bed routine". He will take a bath, change into clean clothes, get a good feed, swaddle. If he is sleepy, we put him down while he is still awake but drowsy. If he does not look that sleepy, we read a book or two to him before putting him down in the crib. Once he is in the crib, he will toss and turn for several minutes, sometimes waving arms, and then he will calm himself down and fall asleep. Recently, his soothing method also includes sucking hands.
At week 7/8, I started adopting Gina Ford's method of putting him on a schedule. I use Gina Ford's method because she lay out a daily schedule for me to follow and then tweak to fit our overall schedule and lifestyle. Since then, blueberry has been on a 7-7 schedule.
This 7-7 schedule does not mean he does not wake up in the middle of night. He usually gets up any time from midnight -2am for a diaper change and full feed, and then he falls back to sleep. Starting at 13/14 weeks, he has been able to sleep 12 hours at night without getting up. However, there was the dehydration problem - orange urine acid crystal on the diaper. We fixed that by waking him up for a feed at night for a couple days and let him slowly drop that feed.
We did not drop the feed for him, he did.
Nowadays, his daily routine includes a feed every 3-4 hours, 2-3 naps during the day with a total of 3-3.5 hrs, and lots of play time but not over tiring him, and lots of fresh air outside (for me as well). This seems to be working for him because he looks happy. The only times he fusses, are when he is hungry and when he is tired. He goes to bed at around 6-7pm, wakes up at around 6-7am.
He hit the 4 month sleep regression right on schedule and it lasted for a couple days. He sometimes does things that throw off his schedule, I will try to help him get back to it but adjusting the routine and starting the day at 7am. Every day can be very routine but also very different. Yes, it's testing my patience with him, but I deal.
I am not 100% sure if we are doing this correctly. I know for sure that with this schedule, TB and I are able to enjoy dinner just two of us and a lot of time just hanging out. I think babies with good sleep help maintain parents' loving relationship and marriage.
Again, what works for me does not mean it works for other people. However, read it as another case study. My simple hope is that he keeps this schedule up until he is 18 year old.
One thing I'd like to add is that I see too many parents go with cry-it-out method. I am not judging but I personally do not believe letting babies cry hysterically is the right way to let them fall asleep. I always refer to the Romanian Orphan Study when people talk to me about CIO (oh gawd, I can't believe I am suing an acronym. I am totally not myself anymore.) Crying for too long has bad impact on infant brains which is not good for overall development.
I am not saying you should not use CIO if that's the very last resort. I am just saying I will never let my baby cry like that. Well duh's anyone would be exhausted after that kind of crying....
DearJulie
This is yet another post that I write solely to keep as a reminder for myself, in case life like this happens again. And this time, I am prepared.
I feel so compelled to write something about sleep training because a lot of baby newsletters have been reminding me to do so at 4 month. And, this facebook mommy group that I belong to has been talking/heavily discussing/debating about it. Those women and "debates", they have very strong opinions and a lot of judgments (they will deny) and they are sometimes not nice to each other. And in the end, they still say to each other "awww your baby is so cute"!
As a new mom, I thought I was pretty open-minded about taking advice from others, experienced moms, books, self-proclaimed experts, authentic experts and sometimes, strangers on the street. I have always been told, or warned, that sleep is HUGE. Babies need to sleep well so that the household is peaceful, the marriage is sound, and life can continue.
I agree. Not that I have any baby experience before this one, but TB is a pain in the ass if he does not get the sleep, and that's enough lesson for me.
How and/or how long your baby sleeps or not sleeps through the night, and how and/or how long your baby naps or not naps during the day, is really not my eff'ing business. However, books, experts, old moms, new moms and neighbors probably all have told us that sleep is so important to your baby. As a matter of fact, sleep is damn important not only to your baby, but you/me, too. So, the subject of baby and sleep/tots and sleep is always a huge, no, a giant one among parents. This, makes me very aware of how my blueberry sleeps and how to make him sleep better.
A lot of moms love bragging about how their babies "sleep through the night" and I think that's very cute. But mind you, the definition of "sleep through the night" is (only) 5 hours. So if your babies don't do 5-hr stretch, that's really OK. As you may all know, babies are all different. One thing though, is that, some of them fail to share how the babies sleep through the night, and that's a kind of skill that not just the baby needs to learn, the mom/parents, too.
I'd like to share how we "sleep train" my son. Or not sleep train.
During my pregnancy, TB and I read so many books on babies, especially on brain development and sleep - a lot of theories, some case studies, and all confusing. After not remembering how many books (actually I can make a list but that's a waste of time), we kindda know what to do in our head, but not sure if it'd work.
From the very first day coming back home, blueberry has been babied by my mom. She had her ways of soothing babies; she loved holding him until he fell asleep. We always wanted to break that habit but we rather have good night sleep of our own so we let her do what she wanted. And it seemed to be the only way to help him sleep.
The day after my mom left, blueberry seemed to know that his good life ended. Smart kid!
That night, after feeding blueberry, TB had no mercy but put him down on the crib. He said to blueberry, "you are fed and you are changed, not it's time to go to sleep. We love you. Good night." And he turned the light off, walked out of his room.
Blueberry was tossing and turning his head, yiyi-aiai for several minutes, and he fell asleep. Just like that.
Babies understand everything you say to them.
We thought it was only that night, but every night is like that. We thought it was only TB who he listened to, but he would do the same to me (ok, fine, after a couple trials). And voila! He is sleep-trained.
We always have a "going to bed routine". He will take a bath, change into clean clothes, get a good feed, swaddle. If he is sleepy, we put him down while he is still awake but drowsy. If he does not look that sleepy, we read a book or two to him before putting him down in the crib. Once he is in the crib, he will toss and turn for several minutes, sometimes waving arms, and then he will calm himself down and fall asleep. Recently, his soothing method also includes sucking hands.
At week 7/8, I started adopting Gina Ford's method of putting him on a schedule. I use Gina Ford's method because she lay out a daily schedule for me to follow and then tweak to fit our overall schedule and lifestyle. Since then, blueberry has been on a 7-7 schedule.
This 7-7 schedule does not mean he does not wake up in the middle of night. He usually gets up any time from midnight -2am for a diaper change and full feed, and then he falls back to sleep. Starting at 13/14 weeks, he has been able to sleep 12 hours at night without getting up. However, there was the dehydration problem - orange urine acid crystal on the diaper. We fixed that by waking him up for a feed at night for a couple days and let him slowly drop that feed.
We did not drop the feed for him, he did.
Nowadays, his daily routine includes a feed every 3-4 hours, 2-3 naps during the day with a total of 3-3.5 hrs, and lots of play time but not over tiring him, and lots of fresh air outside (for me as well). This seems to be working for him because he looks happy. The only times he fusses, are when he is hungry and when he is tired. He goes to bed at around 6-7pm, wakes up at around 6-7am.
He hit the 4 month sleep regression right on schedule and it lasted for a couple days. He sometimes does things that throw off his schedule, I will try to help him get back to it but adjusting the routine and starting the day at 7am. Every day can be very routine but also very different. Yes, it's testing my patience with him, but I deal.
I am not 100% sure if we are doing this correctly. I know for sure that with this schedule, TB and I are able to enjoy dinner just two of us and a lot of time just hanging out. I think babies with good sleep help maintain parents' loving relationship and marriage.
Again, what works for me does not mean it works for other people. However, read it as another case study. My simple hope is that he keeps this schedule up until he is 18 year old.
One thing I'd like to add is that I see too many parents go with cry-it-out method. I am not judging but I personally do not believe letting babies cry hysterically is the right way to let them fall asleep. I always refer to the Romanian Orphan Study when people talk to me about CIO (oh gawd, I can't believe I am suing an acronym. I am totally not myself anymore.) Crying for too long has bad impact on infant brains which is not good for overall development.
I am not saying you should not use CIO if that's the very last resort. I am just saying I will never let my baby cry like that. Well duh's anyone would be exhausted after that kind of crying....
DearJulie
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Mother's Day
I guess it's not until I am a mother that I understand to appreciate my mother. How cliché! But it's so true. Sigh. You must think I am a daughter who is not grateful and all that.
I am. I am much much even more grateful of my mother now.
Mother's Day finally becomes my holiday. Remember DearJulie used to celebrate Children's Day, or Single Awareness Day?! I don't really have a plan but I know ideally how I would like to spend it.
I want to spend it WITHOUT my son.
There are a lot of things I can do:
- Do a DVR marathon to finish all the shows recorded and need to be deleted
- Research for some good books and read them (yeah, didn't even have time to know what books are out)
- A long, non-interrupted, without beeper work-out session
- Go shopping and actually try on things and buy them
- A long massage session, like, 2 hrs
- Clean and decorate my office space
- Catch up on work
- Shred all the junk mail
- Cook a decent meal
However, I really don't think that 24-hr Mother's Day would be sufficient time for me to accomplish all the above. And it is quite unlikely that I can spend it without my son. The other day I said to someone "my son is the extension of me and goes everywhere I go, even the ladies room". Therefore there is no way I can have my ideal Mother's Day but I would take the best possible kind I could get.
My wish for Mother's Day is that Miles will say Mama before he says Dada.
DearJulie
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
To create a social circle
Dearjulie used to have a lot of friends, whom I talk to almost every day, see almost every week, hang out with almost all the time, you know, dancing buddies, drinking buddies, workout buddies, eating buddies and whatever buddies (but not THAT, so get your mind out of the gutter).
Ever since moving to NYC, I noticed that 1) I have less and less friends, 2) I don't get to make friends easily anymore. I was OK with it since I have TB - he is my everything buddy. But now I find myself eager to make new friends, because my son needs friends.
Ok, I am not sure if he needs friend, he didn't tell me. But I think he needs friend - who does not? I want to start his social life early and I want him to be surrounded by kids at the same age. Otherwise, he'd be either bored staying home with me every day, or lonely... that's not good.
Whoever goes out making new friends in my age?! Well, ME! I am very into making new (mom) friends these days. I belong to 3 different mommy's groups and I am starting to (quasi) organize one myself.
They are all called "support groups" for new moms. I care less about that - I don't think I have issues that I couldn't solve myself and that I have to share with others that my son is an angel sleeping well, eating well, and growing well. I already brag about it on my blog! I don't want to complain about how out of shape I think I am and how my son is derailing my plans of getting beach ready by May.
No, that's not why I joined those groups.
I am making friends so that this turnip head can play with their kids.
So far so good. These ladies are actually very sweet and nice. I somehow enjoy the discussion every week when I meet them. Some have great insights, some just like to rant, and still some are just funny.
And, they all have great babies - some always sleep, some love to play.
There is this little girl who my son hit it off well - they were talking up a storm to each other and both decided to suck on their own hands at the same time which turned it into a hand sucking party. SOOOOOOO fun to watch them.
I hope this little turnip head enjoys it as much as I do because I am doing it all for him.
DearJulie
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Nanny search is non-stop
It's very very hard times 100 to find a nanny. And, it's very very super extremely difficult times 100 to find a real good one. Interviewing nannies is getting annoying because once they walk in the door, I already know I do not like them. So I decided just to have phone interview first. Still, 9 out of 10 just didn't sound right over the phone.
Because of the search for a nanny, I got to refresh my world, particularly South America, geography. Apparently Grenada, St. Vincent, and Trinidad are the English-speaking countries as former British colonies. Oh wait a minute, I think they are still British owned. Anyways.
I wrote about the criteria that I am looking for in a nanny before. First and foremost, the person has to be Mandarin-speaking. However, because of the difficulty of even finding one, I lowered the standard a bit, thus I came across all the South American, English-speaking nannies.
Not that I discriminate, but I don't really think they even speak good English, like, worse than the fobby English I speak. I sometimes have a hard time understanding them and I don't think I want my son to speak bad English.
So, I thought, how about a Spanish-speaking nanny? It'd be cool if my son speaks Spanish. We interviewed one and absolutely loved her, and it's no doubt she was experienced and caring and patient based on her reference and just by meeting with her, we know. Of course it didn't work out because good nannies are always taken by others. She didn't feel that she wanted to travel to UES but rather, she wanted to stay in UWS.
I continue looking for Spanish-speaking as well as Mandarin-speaking nannies. Unfortunately either good ones are taken, or we encountered nanny candidates who do not have a residency or citizenship. We believe it's important because I heard stories of nanny stealing babies for their passports. SCARY!
In the beginning I was very hopeful that I will find one very soon. Once I find one, I will have more free time to work, sit on the toilet for however long I want, clean the apartment, go to the gym, and eat a decent meal. But now, things are still on hold. After interviewing so many nannies that I was not sure about, I decided that I rather take my time and find the perfect one.
On the other hand, I was looking for an occasional babysitter to help a couple hours on week days. Then again, the thought of having someone else take care of my baby is just so uncomfortable. Strange, right? I am so eager to have someone's help and I am also not sure if it's a good idea.
I can't let go. I am too attached.
Argh, I am out of my mind. One minute I can't wait to get rid of him and the next, I want everyone to back off.
It's probably the mother's nature, or instinct or defense mechanism. It's the tiger in me that wants to protect (or over-protect) the little kitten. I roar and I am fierce.
Who else can breastfeed him? Who else can change his diaper and make sure his butt is super squeaky clean? Who can console him and help to fall asleep? Who can hold him to sleep in the same position for 3 hrs? Who can play and talk with him non-stop? Who can read Chinese books to him and sing Jay Chou to him? Who can patiently reason with him when he is crying and being unbelievably fussy? Who can make him laugh like the happiest baby on the block?
Who can read all his cues knowing when he is hungry, sleepy, uncomfortable, annoyed, happy, curious, hot, cold, and bored?
The answer is obvious.
What should I do now? I am little by little building a self identify that's called Miles' Mother and regardless how I resist it, it's growing on me, creeping in without making a noise.
I just, still can't give up certain part of me.
Maybe, I should it own up to it. I should just take it all in.
Maybe my son does not need a nanny, he only needs me.
You know, I might feel much better about it if TB is willing to pay me a day rate.
DearJulie
Anyways,
Thursday, April 11, 2013
The best present ever
They often time say, "my baby is the best Christmas present that God send me", referring to her baby born on and around Christmas time; "my baby is the best Mother's Day gift anyone could ask for", referring to, well, duh, her baby as a Mother's Day gift. Or anniversary gift, birthday gift, or even any holiday that is made up can be an excuse to say "my baby is the best gift ever".
You know what I am talking about? Like all lovey dovey about having a baby, the only most precious thing in the whole world that could bring her the joy?
I have been waiting for almost a month to build up the emotion and see if it will eventually hit me.
Today is the deadline. Today is my birthday.
And holy sh*t. I do not feel that blueberry is the best birthday present ever. Though I do feel kindda lovey dovey. I am also still waiting for my birthday gifts, other birthday gifts.
This does not mean I don't love him whole heartedly, because I do.
Although he is everything money can't buy, this baby is work, is responsibility, is one of the biggest challenges in my life. He cries, whines and is annoying sometimes. He takes up all the time I have and consumes all the energy out of me. On the other hand, he makes me a much more patient person than ever before...ah, I can't believe how patient I am (with him) nowadays.
Oh those changes.....I have (slowly) become one of those ladies even though I consciously warn myself not to be, but it's hard. When you see others and their babies, the competitive nature in me is always bringing out the worst of me. Which could justify why I would even consider spending money on a baby seersucker suit, knowing that he is probably only going to wear it once and he probably wouldn't appreciate it as much as I do.
So yeah, I am 35 today. I feel effing awesome. I have the world's most wonderful husband who does not really care about celebrating birthdays; I have the world's cutest son who complained about my boobs this morning and went with his own hand. You must say: what else would you ask for?!
Perhaps not.
Things can't always be perfect. Life is wonderful when knowing how to look at things from different perspectives. So yeah, with all things considered, I am damn happy at this moment. Especially my son is taking a good morning nap.
One thing I will do differently today: I will do whatever I want, whenever I want, even if my son is whining. He does not get to decide what he wants and when he wants it, but I do. For example, if I need to poop and he is hungry and crying, I will poop first before I get to him.
DearJulie
Monday, April 1, 2013
Bottle war
After a whole child-less day on the Great Friday, I feel rejuvenated and once again, alive. What a difference one day can make. I did not feel guilty about not being there with blueberry. Even when he was crying, I totally ignored it and walked away, as he watched me walk away.
I thought I could go shopping and hang out at a nice café to read a book all day. It turned out, there were just so many errands needed to be done when I finally had the free time. In the end, I didn't do anything fun but I was very productive.
Now, I am recharged and ready for more challenges again.
Oh yes, bring it on!
We have been bottle training blueberry for the past 2 weeks with one bottle a day. We needed to do that because he all of a sudden refused the bottles, not just from me, but from anyone. It was his way of protesting TB going to Thailand without us. Muhahahaha!!
After countless nipples and the great advice from some of the wise ladies (you know who you are, so thank you), we sort of figured out what he likes better. He was being a punk at first - rather going to sleep hungry than taking the bottle. Eventually he either gave in or he got used to the bottle again, he finally was able to take it. I kindda worried a bit at first because I hate to know that he was hungry, or he could be hungry. However, my son does not starve himself. He does not cry much but he would certainly wail if he s hungry. Knowing this, I asked myself not to panic. The training must go on.
We thought it'd be a tough tug-of-war with him so TB was prepared to fight him. His approach was to be extremely persistent and patient, well, duh'. However, rather than me leaving the room or the apartment, TB wanted me to stay there and watch while he bottle-fed him and made sure that blueberry knows I was there. In the mean time, he'd say to him, "yes, mommy is here but you don't get the boobs. If you don't learn how to take the bottle, you will never get to suck on mommy's boobs again." Magically he listened and understood. The whole weekend he was eating off the bottle with no issue (and I hope I am not jinxing myself), which made us very proud. And I am also happy to report, he took down a good 4oz bottle from moi on Saturday night!!!
TB continues saying to him, while bottle-feeding him, that if he takes this bottle now, he will get rewarded with mommy's boobs in the next feed. I am telling ya, it really works.
Blueberry keeps setting new records which made us very proud, including sleeping 12 hours straight. Even though that only happened once so far, I'd like to know he has the potential. Honestly I really don't mind getting up in the middle of the night to feed him. For one, I don't want him to be hungry; two, my boobs are too full not to have the release.
Bottom line, the "courtesy day-off" really works. I need more of those please!
DearJulie
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