The odds

The odds of being pregnant in each ovulatory cycle is 1/4. That is if you do everything right - one healthy egg, fertile sperms, right sexual positions, perfect physical condition, right state of mind, and the list goes on.

The odds of giving birth to a healthy baby........that's a completely different story. There are genetic issues, environmental issue, emotional and physical issues, and of course, the list goes on, that will ultimately determine the outcome of each pregnancy.

The odds in favor of an event or a proposition are the ratio of the probability that an event will happen to the probability that it will not happen.

This basically means that every pregnancy is a gamble which carries all kinds of risks. With all the uncertainties along the way, no one can ever guarantee anything, I bet, not even doctors.

So, giving birth to a healthy baby might not happen???!!!

When we had the appointment with the genetic counselor, our ability to handle truths, to understand realities, and to assess risks encountered the biggest challenge ever. With all the unfamiliar medical terms and potential genetic diseases, we went home with an unbelievable amount of information to digest. I especially felt overwhelmed and apprehensive, even with my training in social science, risk communication, in particular, I was needing time to process all the information, especially numbers, and put them in perspectives.

When looking at numbers, everyone has his/her own perception, and everything can be contextual. For the most part, it is always emotional when certain incident is more directly related to you, your health, and anyone who is close to you. For example, when the doctor tells a mom that her baby has a 1 out of 897 chance to be a Down Syndrome baby, how do you comprehend this information? How about 1 out of 120? How do you read this number? When I look at numbers, statistics, and odds, I look at what exactly makes up for the number and how it's being interpreted. It's also important to compare the number to the right pool of sample and then, look at individual differences of the sample. Then, there is always the emotion. It is always hard to separate it from any decision-making process.

To be honest, I know I am healthy - my physical age is much younger than my actual age. With the healthy diet and exercise, I am not sure any other 34-year-old woman is as fit as I am, well, I mean, I haven't really met too many.

So, when I found out that I might be at high risk of having a Down Syndrome babe, I wasn't super shocked. Based on my age and compare to the sample pool, there indeed should have a high risk to the pregnancy. The chance increases as the age increases, regardless how healthy I thought I am. One chemical in the blood could determine the destiny.

We have long decided what to do if there is anything wrong with the baby. Yes, Down Syndrome to me is "baby went wrong" but this is no offense to anyone who is raising a Down Syndrome baby. All I have is respect for you. I know I could not do it so I will never do it. With an understanding on both me and TB's sides, we also decided on all necessary tests we need to do, including the test that carries a potential risk of a miscarriage.

This sounds bad - risks on top of risks? Yeah, but that's how "chances" and "odds" work, you just never know.

Well, maybe that's why I purposely NOT to feel emotionally attached to this thing growing inside of me, or not yet. I want to wait until everything is 100% certain. Do I sound cold-hearted? I suppose. But I gotta do what's the best for us and there is nothing cold-hearted about it.


#pregnancyisariskybusiness
DearJulie



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Workout of the day:
Cycling 45 minutes
Lateral bend: 3x10
Bench press: 3x10
Dumbbell curl: 3x10
Incline dumbbell curl: 3x10
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