Monday, February 4, 2013

One month


My little blueberry is not little anymore. He reached full one month today (but his one month "birthday" is  tomorrow). The first full month is so important because "back in the days", when Chinese people were poor and didn't have advanced medicine, and not even clean drinking water or nutritious food, babies hardly survived the first month. That's why they wouldn't make any birth announcement until one month because they didn't want to jinx.

That's also the reason why my mom didn't allow visitors the first month. I had to tell friends "no" when they wanted to come meet my son. Well, you can say that's a tradition, I'd say it's a superstition.

Now I think about it. Maybe it's the best that we didn't have visitors the first month because our apartment has been a mess. No one really had the time to clean and tidy things up. All the free hands and time were dedicated to this little blueberry monster who eats, sleeps, poops, and pees whenever he wants.

Finally, he is one month and he is still healthy and breathing. I guess I did everything right.

In lieu of the birth announcement, here's his newborn photo session for all of you who would like to share our joy and happiness.

But you wouldn't see our frustration and puffy eyes with dark circles. That's OK. We save that for our own amusement.

Note: I had a lot of fun doing the photos but I didn't think Miles liked it that much. He thought I was vain to put him in a polka dots outfit and a ridiculously silly hat. A true manly man can pull off any outfit and polka dots are definitely gender-neutral.

It's still surreal to be a mom. Everyday I am in shock of how crazy it is to have a little person in my household. Somehow I am always searching for my motherly instinct to kick in so that I can feel more natural with caring for a baby. Maybe it is not there? Or is it a skill to be developed and learned?

How do all other moms do it? How are they being so comfortable and at ease with their babies?

I am damn proud of my own creation that's out of question. I catch myself smiling at him and talking to him in a disgustingly soft voice to let him know how much I love him and how he is my "heart liver baby" (心肝寶貝) whom I would do everything for. But does he understand any of it? And will he ever?

Sometimes I don't think he does understand unless he is looking for the boobs. Speaking of which, breastfeeding has been going OK until I got Mastitis last week. It was extremely painful and I was crying all night because of the pain and frustration, and it hurt so much that I passed out. When I woke up again, I was still in pain. I kindda got scarred from breastfeeding and wondered if my blueberry and I are a good match when it comes to nursing. We had to stop for 3 days while I could only pump only a little with the swollen red hot boob that I just wanted to cut off.

Then once the pain passed, I went back to breastfeeding him again because I feel terrible not being able to do so. Would that be considered a motherly instinct?

Sigh, I knew I wouldn't be a good mom, but blueberry got no other choice but me. So I guess I have to learn how to be better.


DearJulie

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