Lucky tampons

As I am packing all my shiet. I realized that I have a ton of tampons and pads that are still in the boxes, brand new unused. Dude, whenever I go to Target, I always stock up on those items, now it really seems to be a waste.

Consider how they might be expired in 6 months, I might as well toss them.

TB will be yelling at me once he finds out....

But hey, they are lucky tampons. If anyone wants to take them in and use them. Let me know!

#luckytamponsgiveaway
DearJulie

The witches in Manhattan

I am all for alternative medicine and holistic approaches because I have always seen and learned first-hand how effective it is. When it comes to my body, I tend to be more willing to experiment on alternatives too. I have lost weight as a result of acupuncture; growing up, my mom likes to take us see Chinese medicine doctors rather than the western (or traditional?) doctors. I have also tried reflexology, cupping, tui-na, and the more advanced chiropractics.

I don't like taking drugs or going to see doctors. If I could avoid them, I would.

Recently I have learned that there are tons of options one can choose to deliver a child. Lying on your back on a hospital bed with feet up might not be the most "natural" way. They do it because it is the most convenient for the doctors. But of course, they wouldn't ask you if you have a preferred position to give birth.

Positions aside, I am like those ladies - the ones who would like to give birth naturally. While I am not really talking about medical intervention per se, I did look into the option of having a midwife as opposed to a doctor to deliver my baby.

How is that for an alternative approach!

But it's not. Apparently it's kind of an "in" thing nowadays. Tom Brady's wife went to a midwife to deliver their kid, and it has been a "status symbol". Not that I need to be on certain status, but the midwife option did sound very tempting. Think about it, before there was the advanced medicine, women gave birth to healthy kids all the time. Not all of them had doctors and not all of them could afford a doctor. So the midwifery practice is an ancient wisdom. And I believe in ancient wisdom. There is nothing more natural than this.

People who choose a midwife believe that midwives are more caring and listening to the pregnant women more, and they adopt techniques that nurses or doctors in the "traditional medicine" would not take on easing the pain during labor. A simple rationale is always that pregnancy is not a disease or illness; you don't need a doctor for that. Midwives don't administer drugs on you nor do they cut you open since they are not trained or authorized to do so.

If you are very gun-ho about not getting cut open, maybe a midwife is your answer. I personally don't want to be cut open for the reason of incarnation.

As my research goes on, I found out that only low-risk pregnancy would benefit from a midwife. If you are in high-risk, you still want to consult a doctor for complications and all the other unexpected throughout the pregnancy.

How much does a midwife (a witch) in Manhattan cost? The average starts from $8K and they do take insurance. I am out of network so I could have been screwed.

Unfortunately, my options turned out to be limited anyway because TB believes in name brand so he insists that I should delivery at Cornell, and Cornell does not have the midwifery program or department. They don't even have a tub for water birth because "it's too expensive to maintain and clean the tub", according to my doctor. Cornell is also known for being conservative in their practice, meaning that if any little thing goes wrong, they cut you open. Well, I sure do not want that to happen.

Other than hiring a doula, which is "witchy" enough (right?), I guess I just have to continue practicing Kegel.

My attempt to go alternative failed.

#nomidwifeforme
DearJulie

Chamber of "stinky" Secrets

Harry Potter has a Chambr of Secrets. My Chamber of Secrets....well not so much of secrets but those ladies just never tell you.

Gas

Don't believe anyone who tells you that girls don't fart. Girls fart big time. So do pregnant women, and 10,000 times worse. TB was very surprised, amused, and seriously annoyed by how much I fart.

I don't mean it, but I never could help stopping passing gas. Sometimes I didn't even realize that was my own doing. And sometimes, it's just one second too late to give a warning. It can be in the car, it can be in the bedroom, that what TB hates the most. I ususally let it out gently when walking in public, of course when no one's around or in a more empty corner. Now I think of it, maybe I should let it out when there are people around so they could never guess who it is!

But seriously, when I can't hold it, I am not even sorry people have to suffer.

Poop

I don't want to jinx it (knock on wood or anything that works), but so far, I manage to go every day, sometimes twice a day. I feel so bad for some pregnany ladies who suffer from constipation. I once heard someone couldn't go for a week. That's pretty insane and definitely not healthy. I think it's all because of the diet and/or exercise? My diet actually hasn't change before and after. I still eat lots of fruits and veggies. Even when I don't have appertite, I could still down a whole pint of blueberries or grape tomatoes. I also eat very spicy food too, it might have something to do with my regularity?! Not sure, I will have another post on my diet soon.


Pee

I don't sleep well at night because I have to pee every almost eff'ing hour throughout the night. Well, I also get dehydrated more quickly and always have to replenish with water every so often. It might contribute to the frequent urination as long with a compressed bladder (but the truth is it's caused by the hormones).

Like I said before, I spend a lot of time in the bathroom nowadays.

Thanks for reading thus far even I have not grossed you out. My body's change is definitely normal for a pregnant woman, but every little thing is not only freaking me out, but driving me nuts. I don't want to be gross too. Blah.


#grossedout
DearJulie

Mixed Emotions

Now that the world know I am having a baby. I enjoy so much reading all different reactions. The ones I love in particular were "Julie? Pregnant? Holy shit!", "OMG. NO WAY!", and "hahahah, your life will be turned upside down from now on."

Exactly how I reacted to my own news.

To be honest, I still say to TB almost every week, if not every other day, that "I can't believe I am married!".  Because I used to think, to have it all, I never needed a man. DearJulie thinks men are toys, accessories, something that she can always put on the side and pick it up whenever she likes. Being married should not even be on her list.

But I fell in love, and I would do anything for the man I love. So, I married him. And the best part is, I have it all.

TB is now my most used toy, best accessory, and I put him in front of everything and everyone. He is (almost) the center of my world, besides myself. Hmmm, there is really nothing wrong with loving myself this much. If I don't love myself enough, how else would I get to love others?!

If getting married was never anywhere close to be on the to-do list, let alone having a baby. Most people take it for granted that once you are married, the next step is to get pregnant. And because most people think that, and because so many people asked me "When are you going to have a baby"? I just didn't want to have one. Why? I just don't want to do whatever people expect me to do.

We waited, or I just purposely prolonged having to think about it. Thanks to all the good protection, there was never an accident. Whenever I heard about so and so getting pregnant, I was always secretly happy that it wasn't me and that I would not even want to have that life ever.

So why now?

Simple, I am not getting younger, neither are my eggs. Even though a good number of medical research publicated have shown the result of males' age and health play even bigger part of not being able to conceive.

Being in Manhattan, you see too many couples who desperately want babies but couldn't. They have issues to conceive because of the age and/or other physical health condition. Stories about couples trying for so long and couldn't have kids and have to rely on the fertility drugs or other reproduction methods but fail eventually, just make me think very hard about having kids or not over and over again. I thought about freezing my eggs, having a surrogate or even adopting, but TB was against all the above. That means, I have to do it myself, all that natural and dirty stuff.

So from marrying him to having a baby with him, I came a long way. It's all because I love him. Oh love, what a powerful word.

I am scared. I have not yet convinced myself that I can do this. But when walking on the street in the city and seeing all other pregnant women, I'd always say to myself, "If she can do it, I can do it"! You know, just to give myself some motivation and push. (Though this method didn't really work when I said to myself "So and so who is so out of shape can run a marathon, so can I", and I still have not yet done one.)

"What should I do?" is always the question on my mind (more of a rhetorical one though).

That's also when TB reminds me of my own wedding vow, "it's you and me against the world", and together, TB and I will figure it out.


#notamommaterial
DearJulie


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Workout of the day: major stretch
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Moving (a pregnant lady)

Today, we are closing on our new apartment. (Today is also TB's birthday! Happy Birthday Daddy!)

What a wonderful day!

The past week we have been packing like non-stop. TB is very systematic when it comes to packing. We started out surveying how much we need to pack and how much we want to toss. Then we made a couple trips to Home Depot picking up boxes in all sized and packing materials. As the packing started, he also made a spreadsheet labeling and numbering the boxes with size, content and related notes.

Very impressive huh! But that's how he functions. He can't do anything without a spreadsheet.

I am not really doing much help packing and moving and here's why:

My mom had a lot to say about moving when  pregnant. Let me share with you the superstitions and how I break it down to de-mystified them:

- Pregnant women can not move boxes and heavy things.

This is understandable because a lot of women do not know how to transfer weight properly so they hurt their back or strand muscles very easily. The worst case is that it will cause miscarriage because of the pulling of the wrong muscle. However, with proper forms, any injury can be avoided, pregnant or not.

- Must buy new broom to sweep anything that you are moving out, and another broom for the new place that you are moving in.

To be honest, I am not sure why this is a superstition because, who wouldn't buy brooms to sweep and clean. I guess what my mom wanted to emphasize was the "new brooms" and the action of sweeping.

- Do not hammer nail into walls.

At first I thought she meant that pregnant women can't not nail things, which I guess makes a little sense. Those can be sharp objects. However my mom actually meant no one can nail anything onto the wall when there is a pregnant woman in the house. Well, this is easy. We don't like to patch walls so we use those 3M double-sided wall mounting tapes for all the wall hanging anyway.

*update: I found out what the supersition was: Pregnant women holding hammer will offend the birth god which will result in a miscarriage.

- Pregnant women can not clean.

It might have been the chemicals and the fumes of the cleaning products. They can't be the best for the babies. But then again, they are not the best for anyone.


You might say, "it's so not fair. It's both of your home and you are not doing anything to help just because you are pregnant?" I feel bad too. So I actually tried doing as much as I can packing light and easy things regardless mom's order. But I do get tired very quickly and easily, and I need to be refueled every so often. What I contribute is to make sure he still gets 3 meals, and munchies.

We are a team. He does what he does best and I do what I do best. And, we are officially moving in next Wednesday.

#hellouppereastside
DearJulie



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Workout of the day: Legs (glute emphasis)
Seated Good Morning: 4x10
Dead life: 3x10
Squat: 3x10
Wide Leg Press: 3x10
Leg Curl: 3x8
Walking Lounge: 3x12
Leg Extension 3x12
Calf Raises: 6x15
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Body image issue

I am the first to admit that I have severe body image issue ever since I was a teenager. I feel big and fat and very self-cousicous about anything that I wear. Well, it does not help now that my belly is sticking out more and more each day, although I'm technically not showing yet  it only shows a tiny bit when I wear more form fitting clothes.

Right now people think I am fat, not pregnant.

I am very jealous, almost in a hateful way, to see some pregnant women who look nothing like it until you have to notice the bump. Their bodies do not change one bit except for the belly. It's like that, you know, like the regular them plus the bump. That does not sound fair.

Unfortunately that didn't happen to me. I am bloated and round from head to toe - even my hair gained weight. Actually let me correct: my face kinda looks the same, still oval with pointed chin. However, I feel that my shoulders are wider, my chest is wider, waistline gone, hips are increasing in size and thighs are thicker. I know for sure that's what's happening because my clothes don't lie. Another thing that I was not sure whether I should be happy or freaking out about is that, my cup size jumped from B to more than TB's two handfuls. For the record, TB loves it, he said they look so good and feel awesome now. Well, I thought they looked and felt very good before too.

I am still wearing my regular clothes but I do feel like a big rice dumpling wrapped in the banana leaves, tight and snugged, and sometimes extra stuffing just hang out there. Well, it does not feel very comfortable. Even though I know to wear something loose but I never own anything that's too loose - I like fitted clothes, which shows of my curve. However, I still do not want to succumb to the world of maternity clothes, well, not yet. If you have seen them and had experience shopping them, you know they are ugly and hideous. They literally make you look 10+ years older. Seriously, who would wear prints like that?!

One thing I just learned: maternity clothes do cut the belly part more material and stretch more. How funny to think about it but it totally makes sense.

Bra shopping

This past weekend, I promised Marisa that I would work out the courage to walk into a maternity store for new bras but instead, I walked into Victoria's Secret. I mean, they do have comfy cotton unlined and wireless bras that can be still sexy right? The sales girl was nice. When I told her what happened to my body she immediately knew how to help me. She also seemed to know that my boobs won't get any bigger than right now, though I doubt it. Anyways, we found out my new size and I left VS with 3 comfortable pairs I dug out from the sales bins that cover well, and cute.

Even when being pregnant, I can't sacrifice personal image. Looking good is definitely more important than anything else and I do not feel guilty about it one tiny bit.

Bellybelt

I also discovered this magical creation per Carol's suggestion that made TB go "this is awesome", which was the Bellybelt. Essentially it's the adjustable extended belt/buckle for your regular jeans/pants. You know this is bad right? Because this is totally making fat people's lives easier and fat people cause the rest of us high tax and healthcare.

I have not started using the bellybelt. Right now I am sucking in when putting on jeans. The kid must be choking but as long I don't feel the protest, I'll continue sucking in.

F*ck, they even used a skinny pregnant mom as a model on the product packaging. And you think the society is not judgemental? Fine. It might be not. But I am judgemental of myself and my body.

#ihatebeingfat

DearJulie



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Workout of the day: None (not an excuse but it's too hot outside)
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My very first big belly purchase

With some encouragement and word of wisdom from Marisa, I bought the infamous  What To Expect When You're Expecting book. Good lord it's a thick book! I quickly flipped through it and man, it's like a text book, with small fonts, footnotes, references, and no photos. Blah! However, since it's written by "experts" and seems to be to best seller of all time, I'll read it. Not that I know everything, but I kinda think I know enough for now. Why? Dude, don't you watch "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC? Apparently it's called a miracle baby if the mom smokes, drinks, does drugs, has unprotected sex, eats junk food, and parties all night long during the pregnancy and still gives birth to a perfectly healthy kid. How amazing!

I currently have the book in the bathroom because it's the room where I spend the most time of the day now. More thoughts on the book and what it teaches me will come later.

Another exciting purchase I made was this Tummy Rub by Mama Mio. Essentially it's a stretch mark butter that has very natural and potent ingredients and gives the skin super hydration it needs to, um, stretch. The instruction says to use from above the boobs to below the bum. That's actually a lot of skin to cover with this little jar of butter. I started using it last night and it sure smells good and with this calming aroma, I fell asleep pretty quickly. The effect of the Tummy Rub on the loose skin is yet unknown, and it also suggests I continue using it 4 months afterward.

Pregnancy has made me much more concern with the the loose skin and stretch mark. Not that I didn't have any before. But knowing what's going to come freaks me out enough already. If you have any good product to share, please do.

Alright, back to reading the book....and yes, that's where I'll be.

#studyingtime
DearJulie


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Workout of the day: Chest, Triceps
Incline DB Press: 4x10
Flat DB Press: 4x10
Pec Deck: 3x10
Tricep Pushdowns: 4x10
Lying Tricep Extention: 4x10
Indoor Cycling: 45 minutes
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Don't rub me the wrong way

It turns out, the City of New York has some real strict regulations on the massage therapy industry that it's illegal to perform a massage on any pregnant woman who is in her 1st trimester.

Ok, I don't know if it's true or not. At least it's what I was told when I was refused a massage service. The lady asked me if there is any health condition. I said, I got no condition but I am pregnant. She immediately jumped up and stared at me like I was a crazy lady who would even think of getting a massage in her 1st trimester.

Dude, I need a massage because I am in pain.

First of, I already got a clearance from my doctor, except for an official written document. Though doctor did tell me that no body would want to touch me. Second, it is my own body and I know it best. And when I said my head hurt and back hurt and need a massage. Whoever I am paying money to, better give me the damn massage.

Of course, she booted me off the premise, you know, one of those Chinese places. I left the place, pissed off and still with tremendous ache all over my body. I actually went home and cried until I fell asleep. It was the wrong treatment anyone could ever give to a pregnant woman and I protest. Let me tell you what that place is and I urge you NOT to give them any business on my behalf. They rubbed me the wrong way without even rubbing me. Argh!

Fortunately, I have the best husband ever who gives me massages almost every night, except when he was grumpy. He was totally my life-saver during the miserable 1st trimester and I didn't know if I would even survive that time without him, though I think I kinda freaked him out a little bit especially when he saw me suffer but couldn't do anything about it.

Ah, I still haven't got the damn professional 90-minutes massage I desperately needed.


*Do not go here unless you want to be treated badly: http://www.gracefulspa56.com/


#nochinesemassage,
DearJulie


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Workout of the day: Back, Delts, Biceps
One Arm DB Row: 3x10 each side
Pulldowns: 3x10
Seated Cable Row: 3x10
DB Lateral Raise: upright and front 3x10 each
Incline DB Curl: 3x10
Cardio: 20 mins
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Oh shock!

So, this week I am officially entering the end of my 3rd month. Does it mean it's the begining of 2nd trimester?! Eh, I guess. I don't even know if it's "39 weeks", or "40 weeks"; "9 months" or "10 months". They confuse me.

Well, I said "officially" because I can officially share this news here, especially there are so many superstitions regarding early pregnancy, which I only half believe, I had to hold it until now since my mom didn't want me to jinx it. Unofficially, we already told family and some closest friends about it, just coz.

DearJulie Public Announcement Time:
~ Please practice safe sex. Things do happen once you take off the condom.~

Heck yea! I am knocked up. I am not sure if I want to praise TB's soldiers, or my very fertile egg in that particular month. It just happened - after, literally, two tries! Well, now I think about it, it could be the week of my birthday. We went out drinking a couple times that week and got trashed - like on the floor trashed. And you know how when you get drunk, you get sloppy. So there.

Yes yes, we are very glad that we are both healthy regardless the fact that I am approaching the high risk age group, which I constantly got reminded, and TB has always wanted to be healthier to make sure the soldiers swim fast. I am also happy to report that little blueberry's heart beat was sounding crazily healthy when we had the first doctor's visit a couple weeks ago; and this active little alien was moving around from left to right and back a couple times when we had the second ultrasound for nuchal just today. Or, maybe I am just delusional, the thing floats around anyway since it's in a sack of water.

This is surreal. I am still having a hard time grasping the reality.

So far, this has been a shitty pregnancy. Everything you read about the sickness is not even true but gazillion times worse on me. I could not function at all and I thought I was dying. I had to drag myself to the gym thinking it'd make me feel better, but the walk to the gym already made me breathless. I cried a lot not because of the hormone, but because I was freaking out about losing my waistline. Let me name a few just to give you a picture here: headache, vertigo, nausea, vomit, queasy stomach, blurry vision, delusion, acid reflux, shoulder pain, back pain, spine pain, boob pain, every inch of my skin hurt and even my hair. Kid you not.

Those ladies who are "full of joy and loving their pregnancy" must have had it easy, or they are just full of shit, because this experience has so far not been pleasant at all.

Yeah, those ladies...

So this blog....as cheesy as it might sound, I want to document my pregnancy and share the real experience, the real ugly, diry, and painful ones, with people who are curious and who might want to try it. Nothing is candy-coated; nothing is rosy and pretty. You will rarely find me going "awwwwwwww" (maybe just "aw") on any given subject. It will be, however, as graphic and as detailed can be, and I particularly love writing about things those ladies usually wouldn't tell you. And because I have strong opinion on everything and everyone, you will definitely read about how I disagree (or maybe get converted) with a lot of things those ladies do and say, and even think (yes, even some of their thinkings bother me). I am having it my way and taking it as my own experiment and I'd like to share with you who are willing read. Occasionally, I would also like to share some ways to make pregnancy chic as I explore them.

To be honest, I am really not sure what exactly I will write. Maybe, I'll just let the hormones guide me! Nevertheless, I wanna write. DearJulie has been hibernating for too late.

#nervewrackingfirstdocvisit
DearJulie



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Workout of the day: Legs
Leg Press 3x10
Squats 3x10
Stiff-legged deadlift 3x10
Leg Extensions 3x10
Light Cardio 50 mins
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