Body image issue

I am the first to admit that I have severe body image issue ever since I was a teenager. I feel big and fat and very self-cousicous about anything that I wear. Well, it does not help now that my belly is sticking out more and more each day, although I'm technically not showing yet  it only shows a tiny bit when I wear more form fitting clothes.

Right now people think I am fat, not pregnant.

I am very jealous, almost in a hateful way, to see some pregnant women who look nothing like it until you have to notice the bump. Their bodies do not change one bit except for the belly. It's like that, you know, like the regular them plus the bump. That does not sound fair.

Unfortunately that didn't happen to me. I am bloated and round from head to toe - even my hair gained weight. Actually let me correct: my face kinda looks the same, still oval with pointed chin. However, I feel that my shoulders are wider, my chest is wider, waistline gone, hips are increasing in size and thighs are thicker. I know for sure that's what's happening because my clothes don't lie. Another thing that I was not sure whether I should be happy or freaking out about is that, my cup size jumped from B to more than TB's two handfuls. For the record, TB loves it, he said they look so good and feel awesome now. Well, I thought they looked and felt very good before too.

I am still wearing my regular clothes but I do feel like a big rice dumpling wrapped in the banana leaves, tight and snugged, and sometimes extra stuffing just hang out there. Well, it does not feel very comfortable. Even though I know to wear something loose but I never own anything that's too loose - I like fitted clothes, which shows of my curve. However, I still do not want to succumb to the world of maternity clothes, well, not yet. If you have seen them and had experience shopping them, you know they are ugly and hideous. They literally make you look 10+ years older. Seriously, who would wear prints like that?!

One thing I just learned: maternity clothes do cut the belly part more material and stretch more. How funny to think about it but it totally makes sense.

Bra shopping

This past weekend, I promised Marisa that I would work out the courage to walk into a maternity store for new bras but instead, I walked into Victoria's Secret. I mean, they do have comfy cotton unlined and wireless bras that can be still sexy right? The sales girl was nice. When I told her what happened to my body she immediately knew how to help me. She also seemed to know that my boobs won't get any bigger than right now, though I doubt it. Anyways, we found out my new size and I left VS with 3 comfortable pairs I dug out from the sales bins that cover well, and cute.

Even when being pregnant, I can't sacrifice personal image. Looking good is definitely more important than anything else and I do not feel guilty about it one tiny bit.

Bellybelt

I also discovered this magical creation per Carol's suggestion that made TB go "this is awesome", which was the Bellybelt. Essentially it's the adjustable extended belt/buckle for your regular jeans/pants. You know this is bad right? Because this is totally making fat people's lives easier and fat people cause the rest of us high tax and healthcare.

I have not started using the bellybelt. Right now I am sucking in when putting on jeans. The kid must be choking but as long I don't feel the protest, I'll continue sucking in.

F*ck, they even used a skinny pregnant mom as a model on the product packaging. And you think the society is not judgemental? Fine. It might be not. But I am judgemental of myself and my body.

#ihatebeingfat

DearJulie



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Workout of the day: None (not an excuse but it's too hot outside)
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