Approaching the light at the end of the tunnel. But I don't see the light.

I was told by almost everyone I encountered, from doctor to random strangers at the bagel shop, that "baby will come any time now" at least since 3 weeks ago. And I am still hanging out here. This little guy is just chilling and getting comfortable in the belly. Well, I am very and super OK with it because it's a very Lam thing to do - we care shit about what other people think we should do. The influence starts in the womb. Muahahahaha.

The thing is, I am not even due and at doctor's appointment today, she started using the word "induce", which turned me off a lot. My doctor is actually on vacation so today I saw the other doctor in the same practice, who is, hm, Chinese, with a poor bedside manner. Not that I have problem with her but just things she said and the way she said it kindda stressed me out. For one, she asked me to take my pants off while the nurse still in the room and the doctor didn't even leave the room for me to take my pants off.

As if I am not already stressed, another thing she said was "Oh, it might be a big baby, I think at least 8 lbs". Doctor was like "I can feel the baby and your belly is all baby, nothing else. I really think it's going to be 8 lbs. It might be hard for you to push."

How encouraging was she!

Just so you know, an 8 pounder is huge for the kind of built I am. My vajayjay might not even be able to stretch like that and I might need a cut, and the cut might not be stitched back well, and I might end up leaking for the rest of my life. I am fucked!

Great. I might be not only induced, but also cut open. I knew the birth plan would jinx myself.

I AM NOT SURE IF I CAN HANDLE A BIG BABY. Heck, I don't want an obese baby. Obesity is the whole problem of the health care system and knowing that I might be contributing to the cause of the problem, this is crushing me. Arghhhh....

Well, and about my progress....so far none. I know I am so close but the light at the end of the tunnel is not in sight just yet. Like I said, The Lams always has our own pace with things so I am not too concerned. As long as blueberry is a healthy baby, I will be happy. Though, I do wish things could be more predictable so that I can make plans, like dinner plans and hot dates with baby daddy. God knows when I will be able to do that freely.



DearJulie