Some minor meltdown

The other night I sat in bed rubbing my belly with Ma Ma Mio, and as I rubbed, I stared at my bare belly for a while. And as I stared, I came to some realization. My body started to tremble, I started crying.

What hit me was that I finally realized my life is not going to be the same anymore and I finally realized I am not going to be the same anymore. Emotions hit me like a hurricane, punching me in the face and twisted around my mind and my stomach. It feels like I was being choked and could not breathe at all.
This whole pregnancy thing so far has been a very out-of-body experience - it's like someone else's business and it has nothing to do with me. When walking on the street and seeing the reflection of myself on the windows, I still thought it was someone else and it took me a second to realize that was me. And I still look pretty good! Dang. j/k...

It just does not seem to be something DearJulie would ever do and now here I am. As my belly gets bigger, the reality seems to be closer to me each day - I am having a baby, a real life BABY, a human being. Having a kid was never in my plan way back then - but back then it was just me. Now I have a family of my own. I know for sure I won't be able to handle it. However when things come at you, you take care of business. That's my plan - I am going to handle it and take care of business, just like other things that happened to me that I did not plan for at all. I sometimes feel that I  am losing control over myself and my life. Luckily, things always turn out the way they should be, the good way. I guess they are right - everything is going to be ok.

After I cried, I calmed down and watched more Olympics and then fell asleep.

I will not cry again.


#meltdown
DearJulie


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Workout of the day:
Cardio Sculpt: 1 hr
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